Poll: Would you go to toilet here or in your pants?
Poll: Would you risk going to the toilet here, or in your pants?
If going in the bushes wasn’t an option.
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The most popular Hotel in town.
I have no idea why its so hard to get a booking in this hotel.
How to keep a happy marriage.
A woman comes home and tells her husband, ‘Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years ? Well, they’re gone.’
‘No more headaches?’ the husband asks, ‘What happened?’
His wife replies, ‘Angie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat,
I do not have a headache
I do not have a headache
I do not have a headache
Well, it worked ! The headaches are all gone.’
‘Well, that is wonderful’ proclaims the husband.
His wife then says, ‘You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that ?’
Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, ‘Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, ‘WOW! - that was wonderful!’
The husband says, ‘Don’t move! I will be right back.’
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning ‘OH MY GOD’ she proclaims.
Her husband again says, ‘Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying….
She’s not my wife
She’s not my wife
She’s not my wife
Evidence: Caught in the act.
Evidence for the trial.
I got my “Axx kicked by Ronald” but, someone caught it on camera!
K9 unit comes in all shapes and sizes.
Have you ever heard the saying “never judge a book by it’s cover?”
New Intelligent Weapons System.
New Intelligent Weapons System.
Todays new modern weapon systems not only have to be more
reliable but more intelligent as well.
Welcome to the 21st Century.
Why God made mums.
Why God made Mums.
(Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions.)
Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mum?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mums like me.
What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mum didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What’s the difference between mums & dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but mums have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
